I’ll be 75 years old this year. My wife, Carlin, will be 80. Even our 5 children are rushing past mid-life. We’ve all had health challenges that we talk about with family, friends, and our health-care providers. But there’s one problem that remains hidden. It’s depression and bipolar disorder. My father suffered from them for most of his life. I have as well. I write about the pain, suffering, and healing in my new book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound which launched on Father’s Day. You can still get the free chapter, “Mad Father, Dutiful Son,”
Dhruv Khullar, M.D., M.P.P. is a physician at New York-Presbyterian Hospital and a researcher at the Weill Cornell Department of Healthcare Policy and Research. Dr. Khullar reports recent research demonstrating the following surprising facts:
Americans with depression, bipolar disorder or other serious mental illnesses die 15 to 30 years younger than those without mental illness — a disparity larger than for race, ethnicity, geography or socioeconomic status.
We think it’s a big deal when we learn that men die, on average, 7 years sooner than women. But I was totally blown away by the 15 to 30-year loss of life for people with serious mental illness. There’s no risk factor I’m aware of that is responsible for this huge difference in our healthy life-span.
Dr. Khullar offers an example from a recent case. “My patient had struggled with bipolar disorder his entire life, and his illness dominated our years together. He had, in a fit of hopelessness, tried to take his life with a fistful of pills. He had, in an episode of mania, driven his car into a tree. But the reason I now held his death certificate — his sister and mother in tears by his bed — was more pedestrian: a ruptured plaque in his coronary artery. A heart attack.”
National conversations about better mental health care tend to follow a mass shooting or the suicide of a celebrity. These discussions obscure a more rampant killer of millions of Americans with mental illness: chronic disease.
“We may assume that people with mental health problems die of ‘unnatural causes’ like suicide, overdoses and accidents,” says Dr. Khullar, “but they’re much more likely to die of the same things as everyone else: cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes and respiratory problems. Those with serious mental illness are more likely to struggle with homelessness, poverty and social isolation. They have higher rates of obesity, physical inactivity and tobacco use. Nearly half don’t receive treatment, and for those who do, there’s often a long delay.”
And unfortunately, we’re creating more mental and emotional problems with our present government policies to separate children from their parents. Dr. Colleen Kraft, president of the American Academy of Pediatrics, after watching a sobbing toddler with no parent to console her in a detention center in Combes, TX, told CNN: “This is something that was inflicted on this child by the government, and really is nothing less than government-sanctioned child abuse.”
Journalist Jane Ellen Stevens pulls no punches in telling the truth about our government’s actions: “Those who separate immigrant children from parents might as well be beating them with truncheons.”
Even in these days of more enlightened understanding and treatment for mental illnesses there is still tremendous stigma. It took me many years to “come out” and talk about my own challenges with irritability, anger, depression, and bipolar disorder. It’s time we told the truth, protected the children, and shifted our focus to bringing about real mental health in our country.
I’ve been working in the health-care field for more than 40 years and specialize in working with men who are irritable, angry, and depressed. It’s become my life work. But even with my years of experience I didn’t realize the huge health risk we incur when we suffer from untreated mental illness. I’ll be offering an on-line class for men and women who are dealing with these issues in their family. If you’re interested in learning more email me and put “anger class” in the subject line.
I appreciate your comments.
Your article almost made sense right up to the time you mentioned CNN and the border situation. The current border conflict has nothing to do with depression or mental illness. These two health issues were present long before illegal immigration. The depression is caused by a sense of hopelessness. The hopelessness is caused by a lack of spirituality. The lack of spirituality is the result of an over emphasis on materialism. By materialism I mean the belief that the only thing that exists is the material world. A person, even a very successful one looks into the future and sees nothing. He/She becomes depressed because they see nothing beyond the grave. They need to pray for the gift of faith.
Thomas,
Thanks for the comments. My point about issues at the border are that people are leaving their homes most often because of the trauma in living in countries where there is a tremendous amount of stress and trauma. One of the major issues driving people to leave the south and come north is associated the narcotics and the violence that results. Trauma is one of the causes of later mental illness. When children are separated from parents this creates additional trauma that can cause later health problems. I’m happy the President has changed the policy of separating kids from their parents and we need to continue to address these issues in ways that doesn’t produce additional trauma that leads to later health problems when these kids grow up.
I went through something profound in the last year or so. i started doing the wim hof breathing and cold exposure method. when doing the breathing which means 30 deep breaths and the letting the air out on last one and holding for a minute or two. when i did this i immediately had huge fear come up. then after two minute hold breathing in deeply and pushing the air into the head for 15 seconds. again huge fear came up as i became dizzy. this went on for two weeks. i was told to keep going as the body will bring up stuff to be cleared. it did clear. i could not believe the difference after. i had no idea that that fear was there and could now see it had been operating in the background probably my entire life. i could see i had been like a horse with blinders on pulling a heavy cart while being whipped chasing after the carrot dangling in front. suddenly the blinders, carrot and cart and whip were gone. in one way it was wonderful and my body just wanted to sleep. at the same time i have been able to see all the people i have run over and impacted due to this. so it has been devastating to see, and the grief has been immense. i can now see this anxiety in others, especially my wife who i have been separated from for three years now. i love her immensely and it is with her and the impact on her that grieves me the most. i have been an angry scared man. i at the time did not see it as that. it occurred as she was messing with me, letting me down, not there for me, etc. and i would lash out, resent and blame her and wonder why she would not give me grace. it was a huge viscious cycle i was in, that i feel i have popped out of, and now am facing how to clean it up and make ammends.
ps- i believe this was trauma caused while i was being birthed. i came out blue and with my imbilical cord wrapped around my knew. many people doing the wmh method have release similar trauma.
Bruce, Thanks for your feedback. I, too, have found that these kinds of healing techniques can get us in touch with our own wounding and how it has reflected in the way our anger comes out, usually as a result of our inner pain and misplaced shame and blame. Good for you for continuing your healing journey. I continue to teach what I’ve learned that can help people turn things around in their own relationships.
Thank you Jed. saw today on my walk, with seeing all i am seeing, and although i did my best, i really am not liking who i have been in my past and the impact i have had on others. don’t get me wrong, i have made a huge difference with people at times, but for he most part what has being running my life has been this huge inner fear and pain. how do i clean it up with other Jed, especially my wife. maybe just not there yet. still just diguesting what and where i am right now. not easy place. thanks again Jed.
Hey brother, it takes time and healing and every level of life offers more opportunities for healing. I’m glad to be offering my services to clients and writing as much as I can.
Hi Jed. Thanks for this post and your service for some many years to men’s mental health. I have had bouts of depression from time to time throughout my life. The latest bout start about a year ago and continues. Who knows why and when depression decides to strike? This bout may have been caused by grief over the loss of my marriage, which I didn’t see coming and was traumatic. Your blog made me wonder about physical ailments that have arisen during this period of depression: umbilical hernia and recently pulmonary embolisms. Is the theory that depression weakens one’s immune system? I am fortunate to have men around me who have suffered from depression and are supporting me. I am saddened to think about the thousands of men who suffer alone without support. Please continue with your bold fight! All the best.
Lewis,
Thanks for sharing your challenges and how they are impacting your life. I have fallen into depression numerous times, usually following some kind of loss of love or connection to life purpose. Its good you have support to move through it. I also found that physical ailments (and other emotional challenges) also were related to the traumatic losses and how they tied in with earlier losses in my life. It helped me better understand these links in writing my latest book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound. Do stay in touch.
I send you continued love and healing.