#MeToo and Men Too: Meet The Man Who Is Bridging The Gender Gap 

I’ve been doing men’s work for fifty years now. My business card says Jed Diamond, Ph.D., Helping men and the women who love them since 1969. Two things happened that year. First, my son, Jemal, came into the world. When he was handed to me shortly after his birth, I made a promise to be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to create a world where fathers were connected to their families throughout their lives.

The second thing that happened that year was my attendance at a women’s liberation conference at Asilomar near Monterrey. My wife and I were married in 1966 and she was very drawn to the emerging women’s movement. I felt that women’s liberation meant liberation for men as well. I still have my copy of the paper-back edition of Betty Friedan’s book, The Feminine Mystique with its 75¢ price tag.

Friedan’s first words in the preface spoke to me. “Gradually, without seeing it clearly for quite a while, I came to realize that something is very wrong with the way American women are trying to live their lives today.” I thought of my mother who was a free-thinking and creative woman who gave up her career ambitions to become a housewife when she and my father got married. I thought of my father who would have been a great stay-at-home dad. He loved to write poetry and tell stories. He was forced into Man Box role as “breadwinner,” even though he wasn’t good at it and eventually had a “nervous breakdown” and was committed to Camarillo State Mental Hospital after becoming increasingly depressed because he couldn’t find work to support his family.

The women’s conference focused on women’s lib but men were invited to attend. I was excited to go and joined 700 women and a handful of men for three days together. It was soon clear that some of the women in attendance did not like the presence of men, but a number of women came up to me and said how much they appreciated my presence and support. They encouraged me to form a men’s group and engage with other guys around the issues that could liberate us all.

I joined my first men’s group in 1970 shortly after we returned from the conference and have been in a men’s group ever since. I first met Mark Greene, the man who is bridging the gender gap, at The Good Men Project, an on-line community for writers and readers who want to participate in addressing two simple questions. What does it mean to be a man in today’s world? What does it mean to be a good man? I began writing articles for The Good Men Project (GMP) when it was launched on-line eight years ago.

Mark is a senior editor at GMP and has written numerous articles including “Man Box Culture and the Backlash Against Women’s Equality: How the suppression of boys authentic connection drives our culture of inequality” and “The History of ‘The Man Box:’ Two leaders in the field of men’s work made the man box the globally recognized term it is today.” Mark Greene’s articles on fatherhood, men and emotional expression have received over half a million social media shares and twenty-million page views.

He is also the author of an important book, The Little #MeToo Book For Men. He begins the book with a quote by Elie Wiesel, writer, social activist, and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. “We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere.” Mark Greene is unique among my activist friends and colleagues in speaking truth to power, but not seeing men and women in opposition.

In his engaging, easily readable, book he says,

“As women take up the banner of #MeToo by the millions, many men are feeling conflicted, alarmed, angry, and even disheartened. How is it that men are challenged by a movement which says, ‘Don’t rape, sexually harass or abuse other human beings’”?

He recognizes that women and men need not be in opposition, that the dominator culture that harms women also harms men. Greene recognizes that “Men have our own #MeToo stories when we ourselves were sexually harassed, assaulted, or raped. These stories which men have been shamed into hiding or denying are just one more example of why this earthquake called #MeToo shakes the ground beneath our own feet.”

Reading The Little #MeToo Book for Men took me back to a time in junior high. As a small kid, I was often bullied and harassed. I still remember a group of older boys talking about sex. I was interested in being “one of the guys” so I listened in. But the talk became more intense and violent in tone. Finally, one of the guys turned to me and asked in a hostile, mocking tone. “Hey, Diamond, do you want a blow job?” I started to leave the group, but my way was blocked. “I’ll give you a blow job,” one of the guys who had harassed me in the past screamed at me. “I’ll stick my dick in your mouth and blow out your brains.” I started to run away, but I was grabbed by three other boys. I was only able to get away when the bell rang for next period.

I was terrified then and still am, sixty years later. I can still hear their taunts and violent threats, my heart still pounds, I can still feel their hands on my body, and I can still feel the tears of rage I couldn’t express.

Mark voices what many of us feel in our bones, even if we’re not able to put words to what is roiling around inside us. “#MeToo shakes the ground beneath all our feet,” says Greene. “#MeToo challenges from multiple angles men’s sense of control over, and confidence in, who we are. ‘Life used to be simple. Now it is complicated. Men and women used to know our place. Now we do not. I do not want to think about this.’”

Mark concludes that “#MeToo will go down in history as one of the most powerful cultural/political flashpoints in American history.” If Mark has anything to say about the outcome of this flash-point event, I think it would be that it is our opportunity to heal the wounds we all experience growing up in a culture that isolates and silences us. He is truly a man who is bridging the gender gap. It is time we all spoke our truth. You can check out his book here.

I look forward to your responses. Share your feedback below. We are all on this journey together and we all have some truth that needs telling.