The men’s movement began for me in 1969 when my first son, Jemal, was born. When I held him for the first time, I made a vow that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and I would do everything I could to change the world and help men break out of the man box that had nearly killed my father.
At the time, most men thought there was no need for a men’s movement in support of men. Weren’t men in control? It was women who needed liberation from the restrictive roles that caused them to be less than they could be. My wife was drawn to the women’s liberation movement and we both read Betty Friedan’s 1963 book, The Feminine Mystique. I still have my copy with the $.75 price sticker with the quote from anthropologist Ashley Montague. “This is the book we have been waiting for…the wisest, sanest, soundest, most understanding and compassionate treatment of contemporary American woman’s greatest problem…a triumph.”
She described the “problem that has no name” as women who are fulfilling their family roles and wondering “is this all there is?” I realized that “the problem that has no name” was a men’s problem as well as a women’s problem. While my wife found support in the women’s liberation movement, I supported her while wishing there was something that focused on men.
It took me three years to join my first men’s group in 1972 and three more years before there was the beginning of an organized men’s movement. I missed attending “The First National Conference on Men and Masculinity” at the University of Tennessee in 1975, but attended the second National Conference at State College in Pennsylvania the following year.
Over the years I have attended many more conferences, but it became clear to me that unlike the women’s movement, the men’s movement was quieter, less formally organized, more local, and hadn’t really connected with a large portion of the male population.
That is beginning to change. New programs are developing under the auspice of the Mankind Project (MKP) and an exciting new program called Evryman. In a recent article in the New York Times, writer Hannah Seligson says, “MKP has 24 chapters in the United States and 11 regions abroad. It focuses on men’s emotional well-being, drawing on elements like Carl Jung’s theories of the psyche, nonviolent communication, breath work, Native American customs, and good old-fashioned male bonding. Minus ogling women, drinking or fist fighting, of course.”
Evryman was started in 2016 and is now a B Corp (a business with a codified social mission). Evryman has grown to over 800 men in around 85 groups across 50 cities.”
I first met Evryman, co-founder, Dan Doty, in 2017 when he asked me to do an interview for one of their first podcasts. Dan was interested in my long-time experience doing men’s work and I was excited to hear about the success of their new programs and their ability to engage a younger generation of men. He told me that Evryman had a goal of helping 1 million men over the next five years and they had a team of entrepreneurs who were dedicated to the mission.
One of the most exciting programs they offer are expeditions into beautiful parts of our country. Dan is one of the main leads on these retreats. One expedition was described in a recent article in Men’s Health magazine. “We’re standing in a clearing in Big Sky, Montana, the most appropriately named town in America. It’s 20 minutes to sunset and the clouds are just starting to turn purple around the edges. From where we are, you can turn 360 degrees and see for miles in every direction. The tall grass gives way to dense pine trees, which give way to jutting, snow-capped mountains that seem to prop up the big—no, massive—sky.”
Dan is meeting with twenty guys from all walks of life who are looking for something more–a deeper experience of who they are as men and a desire to break through old barriers that have kept them from connecting with themselves and others. “Nice work, guys.” Dan tells the men. “Get to the edge of your comfort zone and then go a little past it,” he continues. “Let yourself open up.”
Nate Green, the writer of the Men’s Health article who went on the expedition as a participant describes Dan this way. “Dan is 36 years old, muscular, with reddish-brown hair and a full beard. For the past hour, he’s been walking around in bare feet. Give him a cardigan sweater and a White Russian and he could pass for an outdoorsy version of the Dude from The Big Lebowski.”
Green says, “The men here occupy different rungs on the socioeconomic ladder and come from all over the country. There’s a woodworker from Seattle. A recently fired hedge-fund manager from Manhattan. There’s a project coordinator from Iowa, a medical-cannabis grower from Arizona, and a guy who owns an Italian restaurant in Queens. At least four guys are ex-military. We have different jobs, different religions, and different numbers in our bank accounts.”
At a time when our disconnections cause everything from depression and hopelessness, to rage and violence, men are hungry to reconnect with our ancient roots and be led by experienced men who are committed to our well-being.
I asked Dan how he got started doing this important work. “My first career was as a wilderness guide in therapeutic and correctional programs,” he told me. “I spent hundreds and hundreds of days with hundreds of boys, hiking climbing, camping, paddling, and LIVING–and it was one of the most important things I’ve ever done in my life.”
When Dan and I and first talked, we bonded immediately as fathers, each of us with children who meant the world to us and we both have gotten deep nourishment from being in nature. “I am personally most happy, alive, and fulfilled under the wild and untamed sky. Something in me ignites and I’ve seen it happen for hundreds of men of all ages. These Evryman Expeditions are explicitly designed to get men in touch with themselves, each other and nature. It’s a very natural process, and the backcountry of Yellowstone and Glacier are about as raw and wild as it gets these days.”
Evryman is part of the new men’s movement that is expanding what it means to be a healthy man in today’s world and to help men break out of restrictive roles.
Dan and the guys at Evryman are the leaders who are ready to embrace the new men’s movement. You can reach them at https://evryman.com/.
