Chronic and excessive anger causes the following problems:
- Increases a man’s risk for high blood pressure and heart-disease.
- Stresses relationships and causes women to withdraw.
- Is related to male-type depression.
- Creates separation between men, women, and children.
- Is linked to both high levels of testosterone and low levels.
- Is being played out on a national and international level and increases the risks of conflicts and war.
We hear a lot about testosterone in the news including these headlines:
Men’s testosterone levels largely determined by where they grow up
1 in 4 Men Over 30 Has Low Testosterone
Why all men should be concerned about declining testosterone
Here are some helpful facts about testosterone and how levels relate to anger in men.
- Testosterone is an androgen, a male sex hormone, though females need it too.
- High levels of androgens (such as those used by athletes) can increase anger (‘roid rage).
- Most anger problems in men are caused by decreased levels of testosterone.
- Low testosterone is associated with low libido, loss of erections, irritability anger, fatigue, and low energy.
- Depression can result from low testosterone.
- Testosterone levels can also go down when we become depressed.
I wrote two popular books that detailed the ways in which anger, low-testosterone, and depression interact. In The Irritable Male Syndrome, I detail the four primary symptoms including:
- Hypersensitivity (men are very reactive and women feel like they’re walking on eggshells).
- Anxiety (men are often worried about everything and women often try and fix him).
- Frustration (men often have short fuses and fume or explode. Women are often afraid and withdraw).
- Anger (can be explosive or controlled, but it is always destructive)
In Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome I answer the questions that women and men had including:
- How can a man change from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde seemingly overnight?
- What cause irritable male syndrome?
- What do I do when he says, “I still love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore?
- How do I help him when he refuses to talk?
- What do women do that triggers male anger?
- How do I get through to him when he refuses to see that he has a problem?
- Why angry men are often depressed?
- How can taming the male anger dragon save the relationship?
These issues are personal for me. My irritability and anger contributed to the ending of my first marriage and my picking an angry and abusive woman for my second. Anger has created untold pain in my life. When I finally understood the connections between anger, depression, and low-testosterone, my life turned around. I met Carlin and we’ve been together for nearly 40 years now.
I’m ready to share what we’ve learned with others. I’ve been focused on helping men and the women who love them for more than 40 years. I have written 15 books including The Irritable Male Syndrome, Male vs. Female Depression, and Surviving Male Menopause. I’m offering a class that gives you the tools to keep anger from undermining a man’s health and threatening his love life. If you’d like to know more, drop me a note via email and put “anger class” in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you.
Personally, I’m pretty tired of hearing men’s misbehavior being excused because of hormone imbalances, social pressures, and frustrations. Women face these same challenges but in most cases manage to deal with them without directing physical violence and rage at others.
Men need to exercise some self-discipline when dealing with their anger. That is part of being a mature adult. This should be taught in the home while they are growing up, but failing that, it doesn’t take a genius to see when you are hurting others, and to stop it.
Brunnhilde,
I agree that men’s misbehavior and hurtful acting out shouldn’t be blamed on other factors. Ultimately we are each responsible for our actions and need to be held accountable. In my work I want people to understand the underlying causes so that they can become more responsible in healing the wounds and improving their behavior. This, of course, is true for helping women with their own acting out behavior as well as helping men.
I agree with you Brunnhilde – and self control is not born into people, it has to be taught by the parent firstly and other responsible adults along the way.
You are right also Jed in helping a man to understand WHY his behaviour is destroying his relationships. Knowledge is power and hopefully some will respond to the learning process and take responsibility for their actions and life.
I do really enjoy your informative emails as I am also wanting to understand as much as I can absorb.
Thank you
gail riley
Personally, I’m tired of hearing testosterone being blamed for everything that goes wrong in society. Many women who complain about male aggression are the same ones who tell their sons and grandsons that “big boys don’t cry” or “man up.” When we say men need to control their anger, what we’re really saying is that men need to internalize it – which is what they do anyway. Men do more harm to themselves and to each other than to either women or children. Yet, one wouldn’t deduce that from politically correct news headlines where the small percentage of men who attack children and/or women garner the most attention.
And, if you don’t believe women become physically violent when they get angry, I have some time shares in a Tijuana ski resort I’d like to sell you. When women do become violent, they’re much more likely to act out against men or children. Female-on-female physical violence is still rare, although that’s changing.
Regardless, while violence by males against females is wrongfully considered epidemic, few seem to be concerned about violence against males; starting with infant circumcision and going on to child abuse and corporal punishment and on to extremes such as the death penalty. Male children are still physically abused and neglected at rates higher than their female counterparts, and society as a whole isn’t too bothered by the sight of men coming home from war zones in wheelchairs or body bags, but is horrified at the mere thought of women returning in similar conditions.
If you don’t believe the male life is worth much, don’t get too upset if some men lose control of their emotions and act out violently.
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