We would all like to have deeper meaning and more joy in our lives. But we live in stressful and confusing times and more and more of us are dealing with things like depression, migraines, and sexual dysfunction. New breakthroughs from the science of positive psychology can offer direction and guidance.
When I was in graduate school studying psychology in 1965 the emphasis was on what was wrong with us. The first question I learned to ask when I saw a client for the first time was, “what’s your problem?” There was a diagnostic and statistical manual (DSM) of mental disorders which purported to guide us in our diagnosis.
When I graduated in 1968, the DSM II listed 182 disorders. Now with the new DSM V, there are more than 300 types of disorders. Diagnosing disorders (and often providing medications for them) is big business. “Almost 50 percent of Americans (46.4 percent to be exact) will have a diagnosable mental illness in their lifetimes, based on the previous edition, the DSM-IV,” says writer Robin Rosenberg in an article titled Abnormal is the New Normal. “And the new manual will likely make it even ‘easier’ to get a diagnosis.”
But there is another movement we should pay attention to that focuses, not on mental illness, but on mental health and well-being. One of the leaders in this emerging field is Dacher Keltner, Director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. The Greater Good Science Center studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society.
Kelter is also author of the book, Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life.He says, “Emotion is the source of the meaningful life.” Positive emotions such as compassion, love, gratitude, and awe can guide us in our search for joy and meaning in our lives. Further, research shows that it may be more important to our health and well-being to pursue a meaningful life rather than always trying to achieve greater happiness.
Social psychologist Jennifer Aaker studies happiness and meaningfulness in life. While lives of meaningfulness and happiness overlap, they are distinctly different, according to research conducted by Aaker and her colleagues. In a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, Aaker of Stanford Graduate School of Business, along with colleagues Roy Baumeister, Kathleen Vohs, and Emily Garbinsky, found answers about which life experiences increase our happiness and which ones bring about a more meaningful life. They found five key differences between meaningfulness and happiness:
1. Happy people satisfy their wants and needs, but that seems largely irrelevant to a meaningful life. Therefore, health, wealth, and ease in life were all related to happiness, but not meaning.
2. Happiness involves being focused on the present, whereas meaningfulness involves thinking more about the past, present, and future—and the relationship between them. In addition, happiness was seen as fleeting, while meaningfulness seemed to last longer.
3. Meaningfulness is derived from giving to other people; happiness comes from what they give to you. Although social connections were linked to both happiness and meaning, happiness was connected more to the benefits one receives from social relationships, especially friendships, while meaningfulness was related to what one gives to others—for example, taking care of children or supporting causes to bring about a better world.
Along these lines, self-described “takers” were happier than self-described “givers,” and spending time with friends was linked to happiness more than meaning, whereas spending more time with loved ones was linked to meaning but not happiness.
4. Meaningful lives involve stress and challenges. Higher levels of worry, stress, and anxiety were linked to higher meaningfulness but lower happiness, which suggests that engaging in challenging or difficult situations that are beyond oneself or one’s pleasures promotes meaningfulness but not happiness.
5. Self-expression is important to meaning but not happiness. Doing things to express oneself and caring about personal and cultural identity were linked to a meaningful life but not a happy one. For example, considering oneself to be wise or creative was associated with meaning but not happiness.
Most of us want a life that is meaningful and also one that is deeply satisfying and joyful. We all want to satisfy our individual needs for safety and security, self-esteem, love, and self-actualization. But we also want to have meaning in our lives and contribute to the well-being of others. That can sometimes be stressful and doesn’t always make us happy.
At one extreme are people who are totally focused on their one pleasure and have little time for others. On the other extreme are people who are totally dedicated to causes that put others first, but themselves are miserable and unhappy. Most of us find true joy in a balance between giving to ourselves and giving to others, between having a happy life and a life of meaning.
What gives meaning to your life? What makes you truly happy and deeply joyful?
Jed,
I am intrigued by the idea of positive psychology as a balance to the DSMV, there are so many functional mental illnesses that we in society learn to live with, making the “life is suffering” Nobel truth, true. But to better understand and learn a balance, to quell the dark nights of the soul would be something worth study. So the question, “what’s your problem?” Assumes a problem that plays right into the therapy paradigm from Freud on; I wonder if there is a different first question to ask that might start that patient down a new road, maybe “what gives your life meaning?” As I age I find it is the only question that matters really, the hardest one to answer, probably because of the confusion and misunderstanding of “happiness” & “meaning”. I mean really when you get into the existential questions it is very easy to decide there is no meaning, we are on a rock hurling through space and there is no reason to it, maybe that knowledge is the suffering the Budda was speaking? If he was just a man he had no clue that we were on a rock hurling through space so his “suffering” was worldly and less existential. It makes sense to focus on positive psychology, certainly a paradigm switch from the therapeutic process we have all been accustomed to, I wonder if the only only psychology was positive if there would be as many therapists, as large of a DSMV, and as much suffering? I think a ‘meaning’ focused therapy could cut through much of the bullshit we all wade through in therapy; in the end though the meaning is only what we give it so we are still left with the rock hurling through space.
Bill, thanks for your thoughtful response. I suspect that the old system of DSM diagnosing is going down as are a lot of the big systems from the old paradigm of “give me your problem and have I got a drug for you” philosophy. I generally begin by asking people, “what excites you the most and what would you like in coming to see me.” Asking what gives your life meaning is a great question. This is the direction of the future. Glad you’re on board.