Never Doubt That Rites of Passage for Our Young Males Can Decrease Violence 

When I think about how we can prevent the kind of violence we have experienced recently at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut and at the Boston Marathon, I think of the words of anthropologist Margaret Mead, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”  And when I think about what a small group of citizens might do, I think about providing rites of passage for young men.

In Newtown, 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed 26 people, including 20 six and seven year-old children.  In Boston, 19 year-old Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the surviving suspect, has been charged with using a weapon of mass destruction in the deaths of three people and wounding of 170.  His older brother was killed in a shootout with police following the bombing. 

Within weeks after the Newtown killings, Warren Farrell, Ph.D. wrote an article for USA Today titled “Guns don’t kill people — our sons do.”  After Newtown many parents cried out, “What’s making our children kill?” But it is not our children who are killing says Farrell, “It is our sons.”  He reminds us that “All but one of the 62 mass killings in the past 30 years was committed by boys or men….It’s time we go beyond fighting over guns to raising our sons.”  Farrell, one of the world’s experts on men’s health is calling on President Obama to use his power to focus national attention on males.  “With one executive order, President Obama can create a White House Council on Men and Boys to work with the Council on Women and Girls he formed in 2009.”  Farrell’s proposal and the research he cites in support of his proposal can found at http://www.warrenfarrell.name/. 

A national focus on men and boys would recognize the importance of rites of passage for males as a critically important means of preventing violence.  I recently returned from southern California where my 15 year-old grandson and I attended a powerful rite of passage experience, the Call to Adventure, sponsored by the Los Angeles Men’s Center.

Center director, Stephen Johnson, Ph.D told us, “Our young males are yearning for a sense of belonging.  Inner city youth, succumbing to the dramatic absence of fathering and mentoring, turn to urban gangs for a sense of belonging.  Males from privileged and underprivileged backgrounds often perceive acquisitions as the measure of manhood.”  Johnson started offering the Call to Adventure retreats 14 years ago to make a difference in the lives of young men and older mentors.

There were more than 40 boys, many from poor, inner city neighborhoods, who attended the 4 day retreat.  Some of the most powerful experiences occurred when we met in small tribal groups facilitated by trained leaders and attended by 8-10 boys and their mentors.  We went around the circle and talked about why we were here.  My grandson, Deon, opened up immediately and told the group, “I’m lost in my life and I need guidance.”  Young and old knew what he meant and many shared their own feelings of being lost.  For the first time I had a deep experience of the violence that so many of these kids live with every day.  One boy talked about killings he had seen in his neighborhood and Deon also talked about people he knew who had been murdered.  Another young boy said that didn’t want a lot in life, just to know that he would survive another day.

Steve Branker, one of the Men’s Center organizers said, “The pressures that these young men face in everyday life are astounding. Instead of primarily dealing with such things as schoolwork and girlfriends, they are dealing with whether or not they will come back alive after they walk out of their homes each day.”

I thought to myself, “God, they’re so small and what they are dealing with is so big.”  I felt the terrible loss and pain that so many experience, but also the courage they had to break free of the life of violence and to reach for something better.  I felt deeply blessed to be able to share this experience with my grandson and the other mentors who were committed to helping these kids survive their childhood and grow into adults who had something they could look forward to in life.

After 4 days together we had gotten very close, had confronted fears, and made commitments for the future.  But we knew that this was just the beginning.  As we gathered for our final goodbyes Stephen Johnson reminded us about why we were here and what we still had to accomplish.  “Our boys, young men, and our mature men are calling on us to explore with clarity what the role of fathers, grandfathers, and mentors should be. If we do not provide a sacred role for our boys as they grow, they are more likely to join a gang, abuse their lovers, abandon their wives and children, subsist in emotional isolation, and become addicted, hyper-materialistic, lonely, and unhappy.”

Johnson told us about his many years of experience offering rites of passage for males.  “A boy needs a structure and discipline in which to learn who he is. He needs to live a journey that has clear responsibilities and goals. He needs a role in life. Without these, without the role training that accompanies these, he does not know his sacred and important objectives in life.”  Deon leaned over and whispered to me, “Can I come back next year?”  I told him I would do everything I could to see that he was able to come back. 

I would like to see programs like these available to every young male in America.  Rites of passage have been a part of traditional societies throughout human history.  It has only been in recent times that our culture no longer offers them and male violence has increased.  We need to re-institute these important aspects of community life for all our young, but particularly for our young men.

Malidoma Patrice Some´ Phd., is a West African Elder, author and teacher.  He has come to the west to share the ancient wisdom and practices which have supported his people for thousands of years.   He describes the importance of elders who can support and perform rites of passage for the young males in society.  He says, “Elders and mentors have an irreplaceable function in the life of any community.  Without them, the young are lost—their overflowing energies wasted in useless pursuits.  The old must live in the young like a grounding force that tames the tendency towards bold but senseless actions and shows them the path of wisdom.  In the absence of elders, the impetuosity of youth becomes the slow death of the community.”  If we want to keep our communities alive and free from violence, we need more rites of passage for young men.  

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