How to Make More Money, Work Less, Stress Less, and Live in the Country 

Carlin and I moved to Willits in 1992 because I thought I was going to die. I had recently had surgery for life-threatening adrenal tumor. My doctors told me that I was fine now. The tumor had been removed and I had fully recovered from surgery. When I asked them why I had gotten the tumor in the first place, they just shrugged and said, “It just happened. Maybe something you were born with that finally caught up with you.” They never asked me about being increasingly stressed and depressed living the fast-paced life in Marin County.

Like many of my friends and colleagues I was busting my butt trying to make a living. It seemed the harder I worked and the faster I ran, the farther behind I got. The fact that we were living in a beautiful house and could go into San Francisco whenever we wanted a night in the big city blinded me to the fact that I was one of many living a rat-race of life.

I had just taken my car in for service and was jogging home (needed to get my exercise in whenever I could). All of a sudden my head felt like it was about to explode. The pain was so severe, it literally knocked me off my feet. It took the doctors a month to finally figure out what I had. “This falls under the category of rare diseases you learn about in medical school, but usually never see in your lifetime,” my doctor told me. “It’s called a pheochromocytoma, basically an adrenal tumor. What you felt when you thought your head was exploding was the sudden increase in blood pressure due to the upsurge of adrenaline.”

Even after the surgery I wasn’t satisfied with my doctor’s explanation that “it’s just one of those things. We don’t know why you got it, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, and you should just be grateful that you are fine now.” Instead I consulted my own doctor, the one that lives inside my psyche, the one who often has deeper information that the specialists who are licensed to practice medicine.

My inner doctor didn’t take long to make a diagnosis. “You almost died because you’ve been going 100 miles an hour in the fast lane and you have to slow down.” In my meditation with my inner doctor I answered back: “But I have slowed down. I was born in New York City, a very speedy place, then moved to Los Angeles, which was a lot slower. I then went to school in Santa Barbara, slower still. We moved to “mellow Marin” and I’ve just been trying to keep things together and make a decent living.”

Case closed I thought. It was clear to me that my inner doctor must be wrong. I was slowing down. How could speed be a problem? “Well, you’ve done a good job in slowing down over the years,” said my inner doctor. “I’d say you dropped from a speed score of 100 down to an 88. But where you need to be is something below a 9.”

“Something below a 9?” I stammered. “I’d have to change my whole life.”

“Yep!” said my inner doctor.

A few months after my consultation with my inner doctor, we started looking for a new place to live. We found our place in the hills outside the little town of Willits in Mendocino County. It was clear that it was really slow-paced, quiet, peaceful, relaxing, and healing. But I worried that I wouldn’t be able to make a living.

I’m a writer and counselor and I thought I needed the wealth and creative turmoil of life in the Marin in order to make a good living. In turned out I was wrong, wrong, wrong. It took me awhile, but I found out that I was even more creative in the peace and quiet of our home on Shimmins Ridge outside of Willits.

In 1994 my book The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men, Healing the Planet was published. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus called it “a must read for men and women who want to heal their wounds and find lasting love. It changes the way we look at ourselves, each other, and the world.”

As I reflected on life as I moved into my 50s and what men and women needed to live long and well, I wrote a series of books including:

• Male Menopause (1997)
• Surviving Male Menopause: A Guide for Women and Men (2000)
• The Whole Man Program: Reinvigorating Your Body, Mind, and Spirit After 40 (2002)
• The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression (2004)

What I learned about depression in men inspired me to do continuing research and to go back to school (which I could do on-line) and get a PhD in International Health, which I earned in 2008. I continued writing and offering my counseling services to people from all over the world. I was earning more, working less, and enjoying a life in the country. I continued to write books:

• Male vs. Female Depression: Why Men Act Out and Women Act In (2008)
• Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome (2010)
• MenAlive: Stop Killer Stress with Simple Energy Healing Tools (2012)
• Composting Abbie: A Whale of a Story, my first children’s book (2014)
• Stress Relief for Men: How to Use the Revolutionary Tools of Energy Healing to Live Well (2014)

I’m working on a new book now to help men and their families deal with the hormonal changes that men experience as we age. It’s called The Low T Challenge: How to Raise Testosterone, Revitalize Sex, and Reclaim Your Power, Passion, and Purpose. I know it’s going to help a lot of people.

Life continues to unfold. After living on Shimmins Ridge for 24 years, enjoying the peace and quiet, beauty and serenity, of living on 22 acres of land in the country, we’ve decided to sell our place and move into town. It’s time for us to let go and for another family to move here. If you’d like to enjoy the benefits of this lifestyle, drop me a note and I’ll tell you all about it. This may just be the dream house and life you’ve been longing to have.

Please join me on Twitter to join our conversation: @MenAliveNow

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