Are You Living With An Angry Man? Take the Quiz and Find Out 

Someone said we teach what we want to learn. I’m a writer. You can learn a lot about me by reading the books I write to make sense of my own life and to help others.  Here are three of the fifteen I’ve written and speak out about dealing with anger: The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from The Irritable Male Syndrome, and my latest book coming out in June, 2018, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound.

For years I insisted I wasn’t angry. I’m a nice guy, ask anyone. Well anyone who doesn’t know me very well and accepts the façade I grew up wearing. But those who know me the best, including my wife Carlin, know the truth. I was a nice guy and I am a good man, but I also have a lot of anger.

Are you a man with a short fuse? Do you try and keep your anger covered, but feel like you’re about to explode? Do people who care about you feel you get angry a lot? Are you a woman living with an angry man? Do you get triggered by his anger? Do you fight back or close down? Does anger cause problems in your relationship? If you answered yes to any of these questions, read on.

Everyone gets angry at times and men are no exception. We are all human and we all respond to unfair treatment and other injustices. We also react to frustration, criticism, and threat, whether justified or not. But we are seeing a level of male hostility that is causing problems for the man, his family, the community, and the world at large. Blaming men won’t solve the problem.

We live at time where male irritability, anger, rage, and violence have become increasingly acceptable in movies, media, and our lives. Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) can occur at any age, but is most prevalent in young men and in men over 40. We often aren’t aware of the extent of our anger. Here’s a questionnaire used by Harvard University researchers in assessing anger in men. Answer true or false to the following:

1. At times I feel like swearing.
2. At times I feel like smashing things.
3. I often can’t understand why I’ve been so irritable and grouchy.
4. At times I feel like picking a fistfight with someone.
5. I easily become impatient with people.
6. I am often said to be hotheaded.
7. I am often annoyed when someone tries to get ahead of me in a line.
8. I have at times had to be rough with people who were rude or annoying.
9. I am often sorry because I am so irritable and grouchy.
10. It makes me angry to have people hurry me.
11. I am very stubborn.
12. Sometimes I get so angry and upset, I don’t know what comes over me.
13. I have gotten angry and broken furniture or dishes when I was drinking.
14. I have become so angry with someone that I have felt as if I would explode.
15. I’ve been so angry at times that I’ve hurt someone in a physical fight.
16. I almost never lose self-control.

For questions 1–15, each “true” scores 1 point; for question 16 “false” scores 1 point. The higher your total, the higher your anger level. If we’re honest, most people know whether anger is a problem in our relationship. If you’re a man taking the quiz ask yourself, “Is anger a problem in my relationship and in my life?” If you’re a woman taking the quiz ask yourself, “Is male anger a problem in my relationship and in my life?

Sometimes just recognizing that anger is a problem can help men, and the women who love them. At other times we need help. I’m planning to offer a class for those who need help and support dealing with anger. If you’d like more information, drop me an email and put “anger class” in the subject line.