The REAL Vitacco family (Summer 1985):
Frank (rear), Nicky, Vinnie, and Frankie
Being a father has transformed my life since the moment I held my newborn son, Jemal, shortly after his birth on November 21, 1969. Amid tears of joy and relief that both my wife and baby came through the birth process alive and well, I made a vow that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to create a world where men were fully engaged with their families throughout their lives.
I wrote about the healing journey of my father and me in my book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound. At the start of the book, I offered the following quotes that captured the essence of the father wound for me:
“A father may be physically present but absent in spirit. His absence may be literal through death, divorce or dysfunction, but more often it is a symbolic absence through silence and the inability to transmit what he also may not have acquired.” James Hollis
“Kids have a hole in their soul in the shape of their dad. And if a father is unwilling or unable to fill that role, it can leave a wound that is not easily healed.” Roland Warren.
In the introduction I said this:
“There is one problem that surpasses all others in its impact on men, women, and society. It is the family father wound. We focus on the importance of mothers in determining the well-being of children, yet, without the support of their fathers, men become puppets on a string, disconnected from their true selves, feeling that others are controlling their lives. The family father wound may be the most pervasive, most important, and least-recognized problem facing men and their families today.”
In addition to the memoir about how I healed and passed a more healthy legacy to my children, I created a workbook and course for men and women who have experienced the father wound.
Guys Night: A New Film For Everyone Who Cares About the Future of Our Children
It is not surprising that I have a passionate interest in men’s mental, emotional, and relational health or that I would respond positively to the following email I received recently:
Hi Dr. Diamond,
I’m a filmmaker currently raising funds for *Guys Night*, a powerful narrative film inspired by my own childhood — growing up with a single dad in 1980s Chicago. The film explores emotional resilience, masculinity, and fatherhood post-divorce.
Your work has deeply inspired our approach. I’d love to explore ways we might collaborate — whether through a MenAlive newsletter feature, a guest blog post about the film’s message, or a podcast conversation about how storytelling can help men heal.Thanks for the incredible work you do.
Warmly,Niko Vitacco
I was excited to meet with Niko and the director of the film, Dave Eichhorn. I learned about the project and wanted to support it:
Anthony Vitello, a husband and father, is doing everything he can to provide stability for his family. His wife Helen, a young mother, loves their boys, but is torn between wanting a family life and a life of her own. When she leaves, Anthony finds himself raising their three boys and continuously struggling to keep his family together. Tony, Dominic, and Vinny are a close-knit, rambunctious bunch of pre-adolescent knuckleheads, but they mean everything to their father.
In a world where fathers are too often absent, I was deeply moved by the story of a father who stayed and raised his kids. I was even more inspired by Niko’s commitment to create a film that gives us a glimpse into a world that is all too familiar. I recently did an interview with Niko Vitacco and Eave Eichhorn. You can see Niko and his two brothers along with his father in the picture at the beginning of the article. You can watch my full interview here.
Niko says,
“Our goal is to shed light on the reality of divorce within families. As a kid who grew up only knowing divorce and seeing the struggles it’s brought over the years to my parents and siblings, I’ve also been witness to the beauty and enlightenment on how to cope with it, grow, and be a better person. We feel that presenting this subject matter to cinema in a nostalgic and relatable way can be therapeutic. There’s so much value in bringing and keeping families together, amidst difficult circumstances.”
I love writing books and have written seventeen over the last forty-plus years. But I love to watch films that speak to the heart and soul of healing. A book is only as powerful as the stories and feelings it brings out in people. A picture, it is said, is worth a thousand words.
If, like me, you would like to see Niko’s story and his powerful film get completed and available to the world, here’s what you can do. Go to their webpage and learn how you can help. If you are an individual or organization that works with men, this is your chance to help make a positive difference for men and their families.
“We’re a SAG low budget indie feature – currently in late stages of development,” says Niko. “We’re looking for generous donors to help us tell our story. All donations are 100% tax deductible! If you’re interested in more – send me an email at nikovitacco@gmail.com. We can set up a call to discuss the project further.”
If you want to help support the film, go to: https://givebutter.com/guysnight
If you’d like to read more articles that I feel are important to share about men’s work, please visit me at https://menalive.com/.
