I’m still reeling with the shock of yet another mass murder in the U.S. As we learn more about what happened in Orlando, like many of you I want to do something to prevent the next tragedy. Many people will offer ideas and solutions and I’d like to share my own. I call this a modest proposal since this is a complex problem and there are no simple solutions. No matter what is done, it isn’t going to stop senseless killing. On the other hand, I think there is much we can do to make our country less violent. But if we’re going to become a more peaceful, less violent, country, we need to try approaches that may seem radical to some.
We’ve all seen the headlines and know the basic facts. As reported by the Los Angeles Times: An act of terror and an act of hate: The aftermath of America’s worst mass shooting. “The United States suffered the worst mass shooting in its modern history when 50 people were killed and 53 injured in Orlando, Fla., after a gunman stormed into a packed gay nightclub. The gunman was killed by a SWAT team after taking hostages at Pulse, a popular gay club. He was preliminarily identified as 29-year-old Omar Mateen.”
The Times offers this summary of the most deadly shootings in the U.S. in recent years:
If we’re going to prevent the next attack we need to look more deeply at some hard truths. First, mass murder is an almost exclusively male phenomenon (male:female ratio ∼24:1). We have to look more closely at what we can do to better understand male violence so we can reduce the risk of a man (usually a man under the age of 30) reaching a point where he wants to kill others.
There is a new journal, Violence & Gender that can offer us articles and insights based on the latest scientific studies by experts in the field. The Editor-in-Chief is Mary Ellen O’Toole, Ph.D., a social scientist, former FBI-agent and profiler. “I spent my career studying the criminal violent mind,” says Dr. O’Toole, “and now gratuitous violence is at an all-time high. This violence is well-planned, lethal, and extremely callous. The offenders are nearly always male. Does gender really make a difference in the commission of violent crime? It’s time for a journal to take on this question.”
In the March, 2015 issue of Violence & Gender, Michael H. Stone, M.D., wrote a fine article, “Mass Murder, Mental Health, and Men.” Dr. Stone reports that “Much of the heightened frequency and greater death toll stems from the easier availability of semiautomatic weapons since the 1970s.” He goes on to say, “Most mass murders are planned well in advance of the outburst, usually as acts of revenge or retribution for perceived slights and wrongs. Overwhelming hopelessness is often present: this may help explain how nearly half the persons committing mass murder either commit suicide or are killed by the police in the immediate aftermath of the event.”
If we’re going to prevent the next mass murder we have to address male hopelessness. We know that more and more young males feel depressed and see little hope for a more positive future. We have to reach out to these men before their hopeless turns to rage and violence.
One organization that reaches out to men and engages them in a positive ways is The Mankind Project (MKP). The ManKind Project has centers around the world and challenges each man to find and develop his own life’s mission and to live that mission fully with the support of a powerful network of other men.
Julien Devereux is MKP USA Chairman. “I learned of the tragedy in Orlando on my return journey back to Texas,” says Devereaux. “We stand with our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, Orlando, and all people of good will, in grief and horror. As an organization, we are committed to nonviolence and cultural evolution. We work to heal men’s souls: to rewrite the toxic personal and cultural programming that drives men who perpetrate horrific acts of violence. We believe that compassion, wholeness, nurturing strength, and creative purpose are every man’s birthright. We believe that transforming masculinity is critical to ending violence in its myriad manifestations, and we take responsibility for being part of the change we want to see.”
Another organization that is dedicated to changing the culture of manhood and violence is The Good Men Project. I’ve been writing articles for GMP since they began six years ago. They are truly a community of men and women dedicated to understanding what it means to be a good man in today’s world and how to bring more peace in all our lives.
Chris Crass also writes for GMP. He is a longtime organizer working to build powerful working class-based, feminist, multiracial movements for collective liberation. He has written and spoken widely about anti-racist organizing, Black Lives Matter movement, spiritual leadership for social change, and developing healthy culture for progressive activism. In a recent article, “Remembering Defiance and Love for LGBTQ Equality,” he says:
“I remember the hurt I felt when my male friends pulled their hand out of mine as we walked in public. I remember why they did, as people yelled homophobic slurs and gave us looks of disgust. I remember how much the anger, threats of violence, and slurs, my public, beautiful, and defiant, high school love for my dear Mike generated. I remember the first hundred times I kissed boys and said yes to my heart and my joy. I remember holding hands in public when I was scared but wanted love and liberation to be stronger.”
He concludes, “I will remember Orlando and the lives of so many beautiful people taken from this world by the hatred and violence of homophobia, homophobia fueled and given cover by anti-Trans and anti-queer legislation and all who support such legislation.”
But if we’re going to prevent violence we need to recognize that the origins of violence begin in childhood abuse, neglect, and abandonment. This has been demonstrated repeatedly by studies on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). “ACEs” comes from the CDC-Kaiser Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, a groundbreaking public health study that discovered that childhood trauma leads to the adult onset of chronic diseases, depression and other mental illness, violence and being a victim of violence. The ACE Study has published more than 70 research papers since 1998. Hundreds of additional research papers based on the ACE Study have also been published.
AcesTooHigh is a news site that reports on research about adverse childhood experiences. In a recent article, AcesTooHigh editor, Jane Ellen Stevens, asks us to address important questions about the Orlando killer, based on ACE research findings including the following:
Was life so unsafe in Afghanistan that his parents endured extreme hardship and had to leave? Were they involved in any of the country’s wars? His father appeared in videos where he railed against the Afghan government and Pakistanis; was that anger directed against his son verbally or physically? Was he bullied by classmates or teachers when he was a child for being an immigrant or for his religion?
Did he witness abuse against his mother or some other family member? Was a family member depressed or have some other mental illness? Was a family member imprisoned or killed (either in Afghanistan or the U.S.)? Did he experience sexual abuse, or was he emotionally or physically neglected?
Was he bullied by classmates or teachers when he was a child for being an immigrant or for his religion? Did he witness abuse against his mother or some other family member? Was a family member depressed or have some other mental illness? Was a family member imprisoned or killed (either in Afghanistan or the U.S.)? Did he experience sexual abuse, or was he emotionally or physically neglected? Were his reported many visits to Pulse, the nightclub where he killed or wounded nearly a third of the patrons, because he was a homosexual, and, if so, did his resulting inner conflict with his family and religion lead to his unmanageable rage?
Why these questions? It certainly is not to excuse the horrific behavior. As Ms. Stevens concludes, “The point of asking these questions is not to say ‘Oh, poor Omar, what a hard life he had.’ The point of asking these questions is this: If Omar Mateen did indeed experience enough childhood adversity that led to such overwhelming hate and anger, what were all the turning points in his childhood where family, friends, neighbors, clergy, teachers, or others in his community could have changed his life course so that he would not have ended up in that Orlando night club early Sunday morning? And what can we learn from this to change our approach to other troubled families?”
Based on more than forty years treating violent men, I have found these are the questions that underlie violence and the kinds of problems that need to be addressed if we are going to prevent the next Orlando massacre.
So, here’s my proposal. It’s really quite simple:
- Learn about gender and violence. Take a look at the journal Violence and Gender.
- Join organizations that are committed to gender-based understandings of what it means to be a good man in today’s world. Take a look at The Good Men Project.
- Engage organizations that help men find their life purpose and support them in finding a mission of service. Take a look at The Mankind Project.
- Be willing to look deeper and understand the impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) on adult violence and other health issues. Take a look at ACEsTooHigh.
As always I’d like to hear your comments. Please share your thoughts below. What actions are you taking to reduce violence and increase love, reconciliation, and healing in the world? What organizations and groups do you feel are doing the most to help?
Jed, I always enjoy your posts and your articles and I’m thankful for the work you are doing and for your insight. This latest tragedy in Orlando is almost unimaginable. I believe your questions about Omar and his background are very valid and we may never know the answers to many of them.
A year or so ago I did some research into 20 or 30 men who had committed mass killings in the past 75 years. I actually spent quit a number of hours on Google searching the backgrounds of these men. I found that the vast majority of these men had a few things in common. They came from broken homes or had abusive fathers or very dysfunctional families. Yes there were a few exceptions. Many of the men were on some form of medication, which was intended to help them deal with the emotional pain they were suffering. I also found that a large number were raised by their mother and had no father, or good male role model, present in their lives.
I believe that the “common denominator” to most of the problems facing our young men (and women) is something that no one wants to look at, or talk about, and that is DIVORCE. Divorce damages all children and some more than others. Divorce has become acceptable and even fashionable and we are paying a huge price for this. There are many studies that show the effect on children that are raised without a father or a good male role model.
I believe that if we can teach our men and women how to have SUCCESSFUL long-term relationships and also teach them how to be good Mothers and Fathers, we’ll eventually reduce the incidence of many of our social problems. There is no quick fix. It will take a few generations to change it, as it has taken a few generations to get to where we are now.
First we need to teach our men and women to accept, appreciate, honor, respect, love and understand the DIFFERENCES between men and women. So that they can have the natural and loving relationships that they were meant to have. Then their children will grow up in a healthy loving environment and they will be able to repeat the cycle. We learn so much from our parents and how we were raised at home.
We need to stop this perceived competition between men and women, that one is better than the other. Competition kills relationship, we are different and one is not better than the other. Embrace the differences!
Men are not mentoring men anymore and most men are alone and trying to figure things out on their own. Or they are turning to their women to have them tell them how to be a man. I believe that the degree to which you are being “The Man The World Needs” is directly proportional to the Quality & Quantity of Good Men you have in your life.
What actions am I taking? I spend all of my free time helping men be the best that they can be.
Bob, Thanks for your comments and the great work you have done, are doing, and will do. As you know I share many of your goals and my work with men continues. My men’s group has been meeting now for 37 years and I continue to help men and women heal. My new book on The Enlightened Marriage, will add to the dialogue. You can get a little taste here: http://tinyurl.com/nssa2wa. It will be out in August and I’ll be reaching out to others to help me spread the word.
Hi Jed,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and resources around this very complex issue. My concern around scenarios such as Orlando, Paris, or Newtown is whether there is much more to it than the media are indicating. I have observed that each time one of these disasters happens some form of military and/or homeland security response occurs that puts in question our rights and freedoms. There are many discussions online around these scenarios being “false flags” – being used by our governments to generate more reasons for military and/or police responses. So I ask: how can we become a more peaceful society when the powers that rule continue to create chaotic situations to perpetuate the military industrial complex/PAX Americana that Eisenhower and JFK warned us about?
Grant,
I have no doubt that these kinds of killings raise the fear level and are used by those who believe we need a stronger military presence in our country and a more extensive network of Homeland Security police. This can also raise our community commitment to stand together as a people, to resist these kinds of totalitarian tendencies. The fact that Bernie Sanders could be a serious candidate and get the votes he’s gotten, even if doesn’t become President, has ignited a movement to take back our country from those in power who could like to move is toward greater fear and military rule.
An article entitled, “What if Bad News Sparked Repetitive Good News” posted on The Good Men Project website on 06/15/2016, spoke to mass shootings triggering repetitive, “breaking news,” negative mass media reporting, making millions for mass media corporations. What if mass media responded to the recent tragedy in Orlando by repeating the suggestions of Jed Diamond! The good news is that Jed is less of a obscure voice in the wilderness, leading some men on their journey home, than he once was. In this article and in the comments there is much good news about better understandings as to how men try to distance themselves from their emotional pain and how to treat and prevent the damage these attempts cause. Thanks to the pioneers like Jed and those that have followed and who will follow, this good news is spreading. “The world is going to hell, ain’t it awful messages make the big bucks. Better understand as to how men try to distance themselves from their emotional pain by putting bullets into their heads, shooting at others with real and/or virtual bullets, substance abuse, loveless sex, hatred of this group or that or through accumulating wads of cash by whatever means possible, the good news for the fate of humanity, remains obscure. Just as many don’t believe the bad news about global climate change, many aren’t aware of the astonishingly good news of the political climate change, that is the growing empowerment of women and the freeing of men from impossible expectations. Unfortunately, with the good news of better understanding comes the struggle of being more aware of the depth of male pain and the degree of personal, social and planetary destruction that has been wrought and continues to be wrought by some traditional male values. The more exposure of this pain and its effective treatment the closer the dawn of a more enlightened age. I am grateful for the new media that brought me this article and these comments to be inspired by.
David,
Thanks for your comments. I believe that what we focus our attention on increases. So I try to take the “bad news” and see what kind of positive feelings and opportunities it generates in me. I can feel the pain of loss, suffering, and death, but we can then ask what do I want to do with the feelings? Do they take me deeper into helplessness, hopelessness, and despair or do they energize me to new understandings and positive actions.
I write from this perspective and hope it helps others do the same.
Hi Jed, I agree with much of what you have said here… and am particularly pleased you’ve raised the question of what happened in this young man’s life – particularly as a child – that contributed to this tragic and horrific act. It is no excuse, as we are all responsible for our own actions, but it is about stopping people going over the cliff as far back from the edge of the cliff as possible. A friend of mine – Darren Lewis – who runs Fathering Adventures in Townsville, Australia tells of his years of experience that show wounds started as a child (particularly by the father) don’t heal by themselves and can have a terrible consequence later in life. I wonder what went on in this young man’s life. His business is aimed at healing these wounds. I interviewed him here http://www.realmen247.org/fathering-adventures/. There is also something else that we ignore. I wrote about it recently myself here http://www.realmen247.org/another-usa-mass-shooting/ and that is that as men, as fathers, as sons we don’t want to admit we don’t have the answers and need to seek them elsewhere. There are at least four characteristics that we cling onto that produce the fruit of strife, even war within ourselves and with others, anger and a double mindedness that leaves us feeling like failures with everyone else to blame. Without meaning in life, it is little wonder some men seek it in death.
Guy,
Thanks for your comments, your writing, and the links you offer. Let’s stay in touch.