Christine, Brett, and Me: One Man’s Reaction To The Ford-Kavanaugh Hearings 

 October 5, 2018

By  Jed Diamond

After listening to Christine Blasey Ford share her memories before the Senate Judiciary Committee I posted my immediate impressions on Facebook:

Jed Diamond
September 27 at 8:43 AM

“I watched Christine Blasey Ford share her story of how she was assaulted by Brett Kavanaugh. I was moved to tears seeing how frightened she was, yet how courageously and honestly she shared her memories of the assault that occurred when she and Kavanaugh were in high school. When my wife, Carlin, saw my tears and hugged me, my tears turned into sobs. As someone who has treated sexual assault survivors for more than 40 years and as an empathetic human being, I have no doubt that what she is saying is true. If anyone wonders why someone would wait so long to tell their story publicly (though she had told her story privately many years ago), you only have to hear what she and her family have experienced since coming forward: Death threats, vicious attacks on social media, having to move out of their home, having to stay in undisclosed locations with guards, and much more. Her courage and tenacity are beyond anything I could imagine doing myself. We all owe her a huge debt of thanks for letting us know about her experiences with Brett Kavanaugh before a decision is made about placing him on our highest Court in the land. She had absolutely nothing to gain by telling the truth and a whole hell of a lot to lose.”

The comments in response were immediate from both men and women. Of the 141 “thumbs up, hearts, and tears” I received; 93 were from women and 48 were from men. After Brett Kavanaugh testified, I was asked whether I believed him. I said, “No, I don’t.” And added, “I definitely would like a full investigation by an impartial body. Here, I’m simply sharing my own feelings and thoughts after listening to her speak this morning. I believed her. When an investigation is carried out, I’ll listen to the evidence and change my conclusions if I feel differently then.”

It was clear from the comments to my post many men believed Christine and some women believed Brett, but clearly more women than men believed Christine Ford’s account and more men than women believed Brett Kavanaugh. My totally non-scientific sample was consistent with a recent USA TODAY/Ipsos Public Affairs Poll, 35 percent of women said they believe Ford’s accusations, compared to 21 percent of men. More men than women said they believe Kavanaugh’s denials, 37 percent to 28 percent.

Hopefully, there will be a full investigation and the facts will become clear. If there is new information that shows that Christine Ford is lying, that she made the story up to embarrass Brett Kavanaugh for political or other reasons, she should be punished. What’s clear to me now is that Christine Blasey Ford’s story and Brett Kavanaugh’s response is taking men and women more deeply into our own soul’s journey to address issues of sexual assault and aggression.

Here are some other thoughts that make me believe her and doubt him.

  1. Her story was specific and detailed and only talked about the events she remembered and how they impacted her life. His was angry and aggressive and blamed others.
  2. Although there are a number of verified cases where women falsely accuse men of sexual assault, they are very small in number compared to the large number of cases where men have, in fact, been sexually abusive.
  3. Brett Kavanaugh seems to have a history of drinking at the time the alleged incident occurred. People under the influence of alcohol have lower inhibitions and are more likely to do things they wouldn’t do if they were not drinking, and if they drink enough they don’t remember their abusive behavior later.
  4. Males in groups of two or more tend to be more sexually aggressive than when they are alone. They compete with each other for status and are more likely to violate a woman’s boundaries when she says “no.”
  5. Men in positions of power and privilege are more likely to feel “entitled” to sexual favors whether a woman gives them freely or not.

In an article titled “The Week Our Country Was Hazed,” writer Mark Evan Chimsky makes the connection between men who were abused and men who abuse others. “I have never been hazed by a fraternity. Until now. Living through the Supreme Court nominee’s hearings last week—ironically, the very same week that was National Hazing Prevention Week—I feel like I know what insidious, institutionalized abuse feels like at the hands of a fraternity of brothers.”

Chimsky notes that “At least one young man dies every year as a result of hazing, and many more are injured—physically and emotionally. Kavanaugh’s own college fraternity, Delta Kappa Epsilon (DKE), literally had a banner stitched together from women’s underwear. Hazing of men and sexual abuse of women are two sides of the same filthy coin. Not all fraternities are misogynistic and violent. But all of them need to hold the ones that are to account.”

Again, this is not a court of law. I’m not saying she’s telling the truth and he isn’t. When I’ve appeared in court as an expert witness there are much higher standards of proof that must be met. These are just my opinions and beliefs. It’s clear that both Ms. Ford and Mr. Kavanaugh are suffering. She is obviously anxious and afraid, as you would expect if she is telling the truth.  He is obviously angry and hurt, as you would expect if he had been falsely accused.

I was once falsely accused of touching a girl inappropriately when I was volunteering in my daughter’s 4th grade classroom. It turned out a mother was suspicious of any man who would want to spend time with young children. I still remember feeling humiliated, even though I knew I had done nothing wrong. The pain of the accusation remains with me 35 years later. I can only imagine the pain of someone who was actually sexually molested.

Today, I’m thinking of my wife and daughter, my four sons, and seventeen grandchildren. I hope all the pain and suffering that Christine Blasey Ford, Brett Kavanaugh, and all those who have been sexually assaulted or falsely accused of sexual assault have experienced, can be put to an end.

Much healing needs to be done and much soul-searching needs to be engaged. We all want to live in a world where sexual assault and sexual abuse are things of the past. Though the process is painful, women and men coming forward to tell the truth about being sexually abused is a step towards healing. Everyone who tells their story of abuse should be listened to with an open heart and mind. And everyone who says “I didn’t do it” should also be listened to and heard. I’ve learned that most perpetrators were, themselves, abused when they were children. The truth will set us free, but it can also shake the very foundations of our belief systems.

I look forward to your comments.

Image Credit

Best Wishes,

Jed Diamond


Founder and VHS (Visionary Healer Scholar) of MenAlive

  1. I read your comment and was frankly stunned. As a woman, a military veteran, I was often subject to sexually aggressive behavior by fellow soldiers. I can tell you that I would not have hesitated to report something as serious as a sexual assault. The fact that Ford waited until days before the confirmation vote was beyond comprehension. If these events were so life-changing, why didn’t she report it when Kavanagh became a judge in the Federal court 15 years ago? The implication of a no vote go far beyond vindication for Blasey-Ford…it’s about the endangerment of due process and providing a fair forum for ALL in the face of accusations. The fact that you were accused once of improper conduct against a child that was unsubstantiated and you still do not understand the importance of the legal system in these types of situations is mind-boggling to me. What if you had been convicted on hear say? You might have a different perspective now. The illusion that this case, if decided against Blasey-Ford, discredits victims of sexual assault is absolutely ludicrous and intentionally partisan.

    1. If you had ever seen the movie The Invisible War, many military rape victims who reported what happen to them got kicked out of the military. The US military tries very hard to show that they are the last bastion of good old fashioned American values when in reality, they betrayed those values time and time again, and the American public is none the wiser for it. They get rid of you when they no longer need you anymore or when they feel threatened when their dark secrets will be exposed.

    2. I totally agree with the comments by Jacqueline McClain. Our constitutional principles are at stake here. I find it alarming to witness how ready the public is to cast these principles aside!

    3. I totally agree with comments made by Ms McClain. What was done to now Justice Kavanaugh is disgusting. Many of us were not happy with 8 years of the Obama administration but we respected our countries vote. The liberals have no respect for our democratic process, they would rather tear our nation apart in order to get their way. I served 10 years as a Marine officer, this childish behavior is not what I served to defend.
      Mr. Diamond, I have enjoyed your email posts for numerous years now, I didn’t always agree but I respected your opinion and found them to be thoughtful. No more though, if you can’t see what your senator from California was up to, I find you extremely lacking in judgement and intellect. Unsubscribe me!

      1. Yeah, well many of us are not happy with 8 years of Reagan, 8 years of Bush, Jr., and 4 years of Bush, Senior. No respect for the democratic process? Explain then how Oliver North and Admiral Poindexter were undermining the Constitution by selling arms and trying to use the funds to create an intelligence agency that was not going to have any congressional oversight?

        No respect for the democratic process? Explain then why the Secretaries of State for Florida and Ohio were trying to suppress the democratic vote in those states instead of ensuring that the elections were fair and impartial. There was a Republican in Pennysyalvain who openly bragged about he had ensured that the elections in his state would go to the Republican presidential candidates. What about the Brook riot in Florida in the 2000 election recount. This was when a Stone-led squad of pro-Bush protestors stormed the Miami-Dade County election board and they had physically assaulted the people in that building and never face trial. If the Democrats had done something like that, Republicans would be screaming bloody murder. The Republicans have been displaying childish like behavior for the last 38 years and have destroyed this country by rigging and manipulating the voting process.

        1. Ok, so I only mentioned 8 years of Obama. I will now mention 8 years of Clinton, should we discuss sexual assault, 4 years of Carter, etc. I saw where the Clintons are going on “tour”, I am sure you will enjoy.

          1. Why don’t we talk about the sexual assaults of Newt Gingrich during his years in office and his lack of commitment to one of his wives when she got stuck with cancer, so he decided to divorce her because he did not want to pay the medical bill? Yeah, and Bush, Jr., is going on a tour and I am sure you will enjoy that too.

        2. Bush Jr is on tour? Thanks I was not aware 👍🏻 Yes I am sure someone with millions in assets divorces his wife and walks away free and clear, lol!

  2. Jed: I think your thoughts are kind, with empathy, thoughtful, highly educated, and balanced. You understand the terror Christine Blasey Ford suffers because she has come forward. When someone speaks truth (I have learned), that is the time when there is typically much attack from others in order to silence the truth teller. Christine Blasey Ford and her family have suffered, extensively, for simply telling the truth. Traumatic events change the way the brain works. Violence against women has been a serious, but minimized problem, for too long in this world. Survivors know they face shame and much resistance when they come forward to tell their stories because this is a victim blaming, toxic patriarchal society. The ACE study proves that, ignoring childhood abuse and neglect, results in mental and physical health disorders in adulthood. We need to take violence, against women and children, seriously. We need to hold perpetrators accountable so they stop the violence and, hopefully, get the help they need. The U.S. is known for refusing to end this discrimination against women as recognized by the IACHR (Inter-American Commission on Human Rights). There is a huge, ongoing power imbalance because of institutionalized sexism. The culture needs to be educated about trauma informed care rather than enabling this ignorant, biased, ongoing, dysfunctional mantra of “blame the victim”. Judge Kavanaugh, from my perspective, represents social injustice as he sits (I consciously did not say serve because of distrust for his lack of integrity) on a seat in the highest court in the land.

  3. I thank Ford for showing the true nature of the radical left and,”#me too”, movement. What you are advocating is mod rule and government by emotional out burst. If anyone was abused it was Judge Kavanaugh. He was denied due process in the court of public opinion by a scheming opportunist. On first face Ford looked creditable but under scrutiny her the testimony fell apart. Empathy is great but don’t use it to think with, that is what reason is for.

    1. The kids in the Kids for Cash scandal in Luzano County, Pennsylvania, were denied their due process: https://nypost.com/2014/02/23/film-details-teens-struggles-in-state-detention-in-payoff-scandal/

      “…. was denied due process in the court of public opinion ourt by a scheming opportunist.”

      What about the other people (dead or alive) who had their legal process denied due to misconduct and brutality by the police and then the police go on a smear public relation campaign against them by trying to dig up dirt on them particularly if they have a criminal record?

      1. Examples of other wrong doings does not make it right now, and it is even more important to stop the cycle of emotions. There has been lots of transfer of societal and other personal events to Brett Kavanaugh, which is not appropriate since it is only his actions and (good/bad) history that should be used for evaluation.

        1. Those examples I give are important considering the fact that Republicans and conservatives are always screaming about due process for their side but don’t care about other people’s due process of law.

          1. Therefore, it was okay to through Ford and Kavanaugh under the bus justifies transferring historic wrongs to these two individuals? “Two wrongs do not make a right” and is unbecoming of “Senior Statesmen” of the Senate.

            Luckily we have three branches of government with a distribution of power. Also, thank God we had large and small size/population colonies at the time that forced the Legislative branch into majority representation (House) and equal representation (Senate). While far from perfect, the pendulum of popular/majority rarely swings out too far (e.g, Internment of Japanese Americans, “Jim Crow”) before being corrected.

  4. Jed is a pathetic and despicable Lefti masquerading as a champion of women. I was molested at age 10 and remember every detail about it – when, where, who, how. I am unsubscribing.

    1. Wow. You’re certainly entitled to your anger but your projection on to Jed and others indicates there still must be some work to do. So sorry this happened to you. Your experience is uniquely yours but it does NOT DE-legitimize the experience of others. Did you report your experience? Did everyone believe you? Was the person held accountable? Did you work through the trauma? Rather than cutting off from the experience of others you may want to find the common ground and support those who were also traumatized by sexual assault. It might lead to the healing of many.

  5. I was raped in my early 20’s and never told anyone. It happened in the course of a robbery and so was a different sort of situation, and I did go to the police. But as for telling anyone else, I simply didn’t want to talk about it and relive it. I also didn’t want people to see me as “that woman who was raped.” It wasn’t until decades later that I did tell a few close friends. This is a common reaction among women who’ve been sexually assaulted.

    There’s plenty of evidence that Brett Kavanaugh is a serial misogynist who has a serious problem with how he views women—his high school year book comment about being part of the “alumni” who had sex with a particular woman, who was named (one can only imagine the resulting damage to her reputation), the “devil’s triangle” comments, and later in Yale, his membership in the secret society that was known as the “tits and clits” club. There are also plenty of comments about his behavior from his friends and acquaintances from that period.

    Brett Kavanaugh deserves nothing but scorn and contempt. It’s the women he’s treated abusively in the past, along with the women he now has the power to harm through his “judicial” actions, who are the real victims in this story. The fact that he has expressed no remorse for his actions and sees himself as a victim speaks volumes about his character, and the fact that there are people who support him speaks more volumes about how far we have to go as a society in terms of how women are treated. Rewarding him with a seat on the Supreme Court is the ultimate insult to ALL women.

  6. Jed –
    Thanks for your remarks. I have been puzzled why there was not more publicity about drinking and memory loss, and so was glad to see you mention it.

    Both parties were thought to be credible – both telling the truth as they remembered it – sexually abusing a young girl while drunk just didn’t make much on a lasting memory on the young Kavanaugh.

  7. Unfortunately this became way to politicized even here on MenAlive.

    It is my understanding that there is no statute of limitations for the alleged crime in the state, so there is the appropriate path for a full investigation. However, I doubt a police report will ever be filled.

    If this is about a “job interview”, how would any of us feel that an allegation of wrongdoing was enough to loose our professional license?

    “Nothing to gain” is weak case unless knowing the thoughts and complete history of the accuser.

    1. “”Therefore, it was okay to through Ford and Kavanaugh under the bus justifies transferring historic wrongs to these two individuals? “Two wrongs do not make a right” and is unbecoming of “Senior Statesmen” of the Senate.”

      Wrong it doesn’t change the fact that people were denied due process of law compares to Kavanaugh’s situation. Throwing him under the bus? Oh please, if that was true, the Republicans would have dropped him like a hot potato.

      “Luckily we have three branches of government with a distribution of power. Also, thank God we had large and small size/population colonies at the time that forced the Legislative branch into majority representation (House) and equal representation (Senate). While far from perfect, the pendulum of popular/majority rarely swings out too far (e.g, Internment of Japanese Americans, “Jim Crow”) before being corrected.”

      Wrong, the court system is being increasingly packed with hardcore conservative judges who are increasingly ruling against the common folks. The Supreme Court is an excellent example. In addition, the Republicans now controlled Congress but they have abdicated in reining the current president and have made. No one is using their power to keep the other branches in check.

  8. I appreciate and agree with Jed. Growing up in the same time as Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh, my experience was that this type of abuse was, unfortunately, common practice. Looking back on it now brings back lots of disturbing memories that took years to overcome. I can understand why Blasey Ford waited til this crucial moment. Yes, she could have come forward earlier, but when she understood the implications of Kavanaugh holding a seat on the Supreme Court, and the immense power he would wield, the cost of staying silent was too much. As a country, we owe her much.
    Though I am deeply, deeply disappointed in our leaders and will do everything I can to use my vote and any influence I may have for the betterment of us all, this was hard. Moving forward, our sons will better understand what constitutes abuse, our girls will learn to report abuse as it happens, and our culture will shift to greater equality.

  9. In sharing my personal reflections, I’m glad it touched many with different experiences and points of view. Other than a few personal blame statements, most of the sharing here has been respectful. Hopefully we can continue the healing process so we can understand what underlies sexual abuse and how best to have a forum where people can discuss it. There certainly have to be safe places where men can share their own feelings and some, I know, feel they have been falsely accused or worried they might be. Together we can heal and connect with greater empathy and understanding.

  10. @OCdad

    Therefore, it was okay to through Ford and Kavanaugh under the bus justifies transferring historic wrongs to these two individuals? “Two wrongs do not make a right” and is unbecoming of “Senior Statesmen” of the Senate.

    Kavanaugh threw himself under the bus and it doesn’t change the fact about victims of the court system and the police being denied due process.

    “Luckily we have three branches of government with a distribution of power. Also, thank God we had large and small size/population colonies at the time that forced the Legislative branch into majority representation (House) and equal representation (Senate). While far from perfect, the pendulum of popular/majority rarely swings out too far (e.g, Internment of Japanese Americans, “Jim Crow”) before being corrected.”

    Wrong, there is no more distribution of power. The Republican Party in Congress has abdicated themselves of keeping the current person in the White House in check and no longer represent the ordinary citizens anymore. In addition, the present judges have kept ruling decisions in favor of corporations, police officers, etc., by a slim margin.

  11. This has nothing to do with facts and everything to do with projection.
    If Leyland Kaiser was named as present at the party and christine’s ride, then why does she swear that she never met Kavanaugh? Choose whatever version you like about Kaiser but every other alleged witness chose to lie or not corroborate. Or maybe they just remember things differently…

  12. Unfortunately I took an interest in your blog and this is the first blog email I received. Then I received your October 12th blog. I’m so sad to see statistics used once again in a manipulative manner by someone who claims to be an authority on men due to his PhD and “expert witness” experience. My home burned down to the ground a year ago. Statistically it’s rare for your home to burn down. Does that statistic prove I’m lying? General statistics can’t prove that a particular individual is honest or dishonest, but humans love to use statistics that support their beliefs. The fact is very few people really know if either person was telling the truth. We have no proof. You admit to drinking, you are currently in a position of power, you state you let your hand go below the waist at a dance, and you have been accused of abuse in the past. You claim you didn’t do it, but you have presented a pretty good case against yourself…at least statistically. Plus you appear to be a white male; the simplest, most bigoted excuse of them all. It’s a current favorite and can be used when anything goes wrong in society today. But it puts the nail on the coffin for you as well. I’m actually crying as I type this up, so people should believe what I’m saying. I do love how you circle back around and try to make it sound like you are giving an unbiased opinion. You aren’t. Everyone is biased, but you are especially biased in this case because of your work with men. You have a right to your opinion, but you lost all credibility with me because of your manipulative use of statistics. And again, I have no idea who is telling the truth. I don’t know either one of those people. For all I know they are both lying. Maybe we should just do away with courts, Congressional hearings, etc and just rely on the court of public opinion followed by public stoning and hangings.

    1. “For all I know they are both lying. Maybe we should just do away with courts, Congressional hearings, etc and just rely on the court of public opinion followed by public stoning and hangings.

      Well, we had public lynchings of Afro-Americans in the South and witch burnings in the North. I doubt that those Afro-Americans and the people who were accused of being witches ever got a fair trial even though we had courts back in those days.

      1. That’s my point exactly Gunther. Any time the public doesn’t agree with an outcome they start screaming, yelling, and crying about how unfair everything is.

        Those types of guys and parties were part of our culture back then. Go back and watch all the teenage movies of the 1980’s. I grew up in that era as well. I knew boys who behaved in the same manner Kavanaugh was accused of. I stayed away from those guys, but I also know there were a lot of girls seeking them out. For example a couple of guys in my high school were trying to sleep with as many girls as they could their senior year. One of them had a locker right next to mine with a running list on the door of his accomplishments. His ego and actions were disgusting, but all the girls still found him handsome and charming. Everyone in the school knew about the competition. Yet I was surprised each week by the number of girls who were seeking him out even though they knew about this stupid game he was playing. Then the same girls were hurt when he moved on to a new girl the next week. I never understood it. But, my point is, sometimes neither party is innocent. I also knew a lot of girls who became very promiscuous whenever they drank. Then they had regrets the next morning about what they had done. Alcohol and hormones can be a problem for both sexes. It’s not just a problem with teenage boys.

        1. It is the wealthy people and conservatives who are doing most of the screaming and whining. When the American oil companies lost to the Indians in Ecuador because they had contaminated the Indians, they started railing about the judges in both the USA and Ecuador. They only want due process for themselves and to heck with everyone else. And when you look at Hillary, she was hounded from day one for what happened in Benghazi and in Hondorous while Republicans who had more attacks on American embassies under their watch and helping to overthrow the Nicaraguan government during the 1980s and the Venezuelan government. She continues to get hound even when the FBI had cleared her of her emails. Can you say that about Bush getting rid of his emails?

  13. Throughout history, social justice has only progressed because aggrieved people have engaged in “screaming and yelling” and making their demands known.
    And when a woman says “no,” it means NO, regardless of the circumstances.

  14. Of course no means no. I didn’t say otherwise. All I’m saying is that there is reasonable doubt. No proof. A situation with little to no proof less is a witch hunt, and that’s the kind of screaming and yelling I’m talking about.

    1. Yeah, and the Republicans with the conservatives backers have been doing a witch hunt on the Democratic Party for the last 38 years and anyone who opposes them let alone criticizes them.

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